Looking for ways to explore your inner Dynamic Dad? Join our LinkedIn webinar on February 24th from 12 p.m. to  1 p.m. EST. 

During the rainy days in my mother’s 1996 tan Mercury Villager, I would sit in the very back seat, counting the rain droplets that hit the car window. Watching their pattern as they repeatedly attached to each other, the droplets combined to create even bigger, deeper connected units.

My mom and brother who sat all the way in the front used to ask me what I was thinking. When I told them that I was watching the rain droplets race each other of course, they’d pause and laugh.

“Casey, you are so Out the Box.”

Similar to the way you might see the Nike swoosh and immediately chant “Just Do It” in your mind, this mantra became a signature response from close family about my recurring actions. When we began to deeply connect, they knew they had spent some time “Out the Box” with me.

Just like my crew’s specific lingo, your family has a secret language that I will never understand. And that is really cool.

From a mispronounced word that has now cemented itself into your family’s dictionary to an older brother’s accidentally shrunken shirt that has now coined the size “Extra Medium,” each household uses a specific, formulated set of linguistics based on collective lived experience. 

Known as “familects” or communication codes, this phenomenon is not only common, but it is crucial to creating a sense of belonging, safety, and bonding within the home. Understanding when to use them, how to harness their power, and why they are so integral to the family experience can help create personalized communication within the home.

Tomato or To-mah-to?

The DNA of a family code is a diverse and mismatching make-up, which can lead to super vibrant  conversations when used. This dialect might consist of words a young child had mispronounced when learning to speak, nicknames for family members, or inside jokes that have accumulated throughout time. 

Sometimes, even a parent’s origins can contribute to this language’s interior. In bilingual families, the mixing of dialects can create unique and fun renditions of words that wouldn’t typically be accepted in everyday conversation. Even in countries like the U.S. where English is spoken consistently across all states, the linguistics of each area prove to be totally different. 

Quick Exercise: The dryer has completed its cycle. You fold your clothes and put them away in your…

What do you call this piece of furniture that holds all of your folded clothes?

Did you think “bureau”? Or perhaps you said “dresser” in your mind? Maybe you thought “chest of drawers”? There is also a world where you thought of none of the above terms and instead immediately said a word that you grew up using. 

The places in which we grew up, or our parents grew up, shape our everyday vernacular. While an individual may have spent their childhood in Southern California, they may still call a shopping cart a “carriage” thanks to their parent’s New England upbringing. The uniqueness of these codes not only manifests within the home, but in exterior situations as well. 

Why use a code?

While the concept of family codes automatically creates a sense of entertainment and whimsy within the home, the use of these familects serves a much deeper purpose. This specific way of speaking that only the “inner circle” of a household understands creates an immediate sense of belonging and exclusivity which leads to enhanced bonding. 

Disagreements:

Family codes come in handy during times of debate. Their unique meanings and value within the home can help ease a situation by cuing subtle peacefulness to all involved. It’s a challenge to stay angry when a family joke is brought up. Using familects during these intense moments helps to ease tension and convey a sense of understanding and comfort.

Activities:

Whether you’re baking an heirloom coconut cream pie recipe or playing as Kernel Mustard in the board game Clue, family activities serve as the perfect opportunity for employing and creating codes. Stay vigilant and talk to your family members frequently during these activities. When you hear something funny or memorable, bring it up in conversation again to solidify its spot in your family’s thesaurus. 

Efficiency:

Next to Siri’s impeccable information skills, familects are one of the most efficient forms of communication. From public settings that require the use of more inconspicuous speech to keeping a family meeting short and sweet, these codes allow for a quick communication.

Additionally, a parent’s intentional incorporation of specific and frequent metaphors into the family’s verbiage can help set up a repertoire of phrases in these fast-paced moments. For example, comparing certain behaviors or characteristics to that of an animal’s, like a Humpback Whale’s stellar communication, can create amusing phrases for everyday conversation. (Ex. Instead of “Listen up,” your family might adopt “Act like a Humpback Whale!”)

Famous Familects

This idea of codes reaches far beyond the home, as well. Entertainment shows us time and time again the importance of unique communication styles in home settings, as well as in the workplace. Take a look at some of the call-outs below to spot familects the next time you turn on the TV:

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

If you have had the chance to watch the shenanigans that unfold in the 99th precinct, you know that this work setting has its own sense of a familect. From Captain Holt’s use of full proper names such as Thomas Cruise or William Wonka to Jake Peralta’s consistent phrase “Cool, cool, cool,” this environment functions with a general understanding of the “family” codes. 

Schitt’s Creek

Known for its quirky family and dry cut humor, the codes used in Schitt’s Creek have become a familect among the fan base as well. Moira Rose’s extremely unique accent and mispronunciations, Alexis’s “Ew, David” line, and the concept of “folding the cheese” are all tell-tale signs of a Schitt’s Creek fanatic. 

The Bear

Anybody who has worked in or remotely near a kitchen knows the intense levels of stress and tension that exist in this work setting. The fictional show The Bear not only highlights this workplace communication, but it showcases the dysfunction that exists within a family unit as well. An extremely niche familect, this group utilizes more aggressive linguistics and specific nicknames among family members and coworkers alike. 

Workin’ on It!

Beyond the use of communication codes in the home setting, familects are an extremely valuable power in the workplace. Fostering a sense of belonging and connection among team members, having shared lingo allows the office to become a more interesting and vibrant atmosphere. 

Familiar phrases or inside jokes can serve as icebreakers which lead to stronger rapport and trust among colleagues, while specific codes from a co-worker’s upbringing can open the door for cultural exchange and learning. Shared meaning awakens the codes of belonging within our cultures. This in turn leads to a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other’s backgrounds and experiences.

When management and individuals in leadership positions embrace this idea of sharing and creating familect tendencies in the office, it sets the tone for the rest of the team to feel comfortable participating, as well. In a world where 1 in 3 individuals report feeling empty at work, offices that curate a sense of social interaction see significant increases in productivity and energy levels.

Wrapping Up

Your family has a secret superpower that no other family can tap into- your customized communication. Taking time to develop this lingo, intentionally employing it in various settings, and making an effort to identify possible additions to this curated dictionary all contribute to the camaraderie culture within a household.

Take a minute to list out all of the secret codes used by your family that you can remember. Nicknames, frequently used movie references, and nonsensical words are all fair game. Keep this list in your phone or work bag in an effort to intentionally place a phrase or two into household conversation throughout the week. Give yourself a number goal for how many phrases you think you can successfully use in one week and see if you can reach it. (Extra points if you can coin a new phrase or two!)

Looking for ways to explore your inner Dynamic Dad? Join our LinkedIn webinar on February 24th from 12 p.m. to  1 p.m. EST.